drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
