they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize