it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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