She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
