god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
