he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
