Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
