I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
