My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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