Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
