i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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