I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
