What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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