Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He did a backflip because drugs
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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