My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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