Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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