Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
