To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
