your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
