I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize