The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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