I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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