this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
