Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
