I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didn't notice because vodka
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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