Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

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(937): View more from Ohio

I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.

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(303): View more from Colorado

You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"

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(734): View more from Michigan

dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks

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(740): View more from Ohio

The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.

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(805): View more from California

I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.

(763): View more from Minnesota

like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo

(612): View more from Minnesota

Wat

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(650): View more from California

Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them

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