Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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