It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
