Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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