How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up