how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information