Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016