How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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