thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
