then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
