You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
