I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
