help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
how does that bad decision feel?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
