I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
