Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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