Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
