Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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