Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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