I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
