I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize