i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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