I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
