so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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