how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
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NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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