I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
