break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
