So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
