so explain again why im purple
no
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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