remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
