i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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