how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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