2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
