Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
