Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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