between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
