Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
